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20 February 2017

In bird's Mind

I thought to share a story of two birds and me. It's a true incident happened few years back. I hope this story can make the blurred picture of my life a bit clearer.


Dhule is a tribal region. Tribal women come to city to sell specific specie of birds called lavrya. I don't know the exact name of the bird. But it sounds something like lavrya when they shout some words 'lavrya ghya'.... not understandable. People in the colony I live, buy those birds.

Once my mother inquired them about the birds. We were shocked to know that people eat those birds and they are sold as food like eggs. My childish heart felt very sad for them. 
I thought I should help them. We bought two birds.

'If I could afford I would buy them all',  my innocent thought while buying the two of them.
My brother quite often says that I don't understand how the world functions and that I think very too innocently. He is not wrong though.

My imagination was, once I take those two birds I will free them and if not all, at least two will fly away freely; nobody will eat them. I was super happy with my wise decision. The seller woman went selling two of her birds to me.

Both of those beautiful birds were mine. My eyes were sparkled seeing such birds for the first time. For me, they were beautiful.

I thought just like we watch on television, the birds will fly happily as they were free now. I had made them free. I had done a great job. I remember that happiness vividly as if it's happening now.

And....

To my great shock...

They didn't fly.

They couldn't fly, they couldn't even walk properly.

They didn't feel anything. They were not able to feel and understand the happiness I was feeling for them.

They were not able to feel all the joy which was waiting for them only and it was just a flight that would take them to new heights.

Their eyes were confused to see so much light. They didn't understand what is the light of freedom.

For me they were so beautiful and cute. But they didn't have left any feeling about themselves, sadly.

I went closer to them. I talked with all the love I was feeling for them.
I told them, "You are free. Nobody will eat you. Your life is free now. Fly wherever you want. You have wings, you are born to fly. See there is no obstacle to stop you. O dear bird, please fly."

Their tiny eyes were scared as I was talking. They were trying their best to understand what I was telling to them but they couldn't take any action. Normal free birds fly here and there without much thinking and hesitation because they know they can fly any moment they want.

But my birds were not able to feel anything. They were not behaving like birds.

For me they were free, they were beautiful, they were sweet.

For them they were unable to do anything, they were dumbstruck.

I couldn't understand everything they might be feeling at that time which I am writing now.
But I can feel now exactly what must be going on in their minds after living in imposed isolation for ten years.
How will it sound if I tell them,

"Nobody is there to harm you. Your anxiousness is your disorder. You need treatment. I will give you some pills and you will feel normal. All this in your mind will disappear. Don't worry at all."

How does it sound?

Is it suitable in this situation?

Do you think the bird will trust me whether I say such things to them or not in either case?
The bird wasn't able to feel what normal life of a bird is because they didn't know it.
They couldn't feel my love for them and that wasn't their fault. This is the saddest part of life when a mind is so much in high level of distress that distress becomes normal for them and unfortunately they find it difficult to understand the existing love for them. They were not familiar with the freedom and love they were given. They were witnessing it for the first time.

They were not familiar with the love from someone.

My ignorant imagination was that these birds must be found in jungles and bird hunters must be capturing them to make money.

I waited around them with tears in my eyes feeling helpless. After some time they realized what is happening with them.

They flew away finally.

They didn't go much higher.

Soon my eyes were opened from my dreamy imaginations.

Surely they must not have gone too far. The people who capture and sell them must have caught them again.

This is real world and not the world of my poems where there is love and freedom for everyone.

No metaphor in this story. When I say I can't articulate, I mean the mind of those birds.
I can't understand how to feel about anything about everything happening around me. I feel sad for this emotional flaw these 10 years created in me. But I find it difficult to change until the environment in which I have been living doesn't change.

I live for only one day and that is today.

Who knows about tomorrow?

What I desire is to share my story with the world. And that has become the biggest purpose of my life. Whatever I try to write poems and emotions is all God's grace, they surprise me with their depth and beauty.

This is just the beginning...

I am witnessing my own life astonishingly to see which shape my pains of a decade take further.
Hope there will be all good for all me ahead.
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